I’ve had my fair share of rejection and disappointments but have you ever wondered why rejection hurts you to the core, or made you feel defeated? What is it about being rejected that makes us want to crawl under a rock and hide in shame, with efforts to make it all go away, so we no longer feel an ounce of hurt?
Turns out, the ideology and feelings associated with rejection may have its roots during a time when people lived in tribes. Say what? Yes, at that time, no one could survive being on their own – tribes served as a lifeline. If one was ostracized from the tribe, that meant certain death. So being rejected essentially was a death sentence. Kind of harsh, isn’t it? This meant that you were much more apt to change your ways to avoid rejection and still remain a member of the tribe.
Encountering rejection also bruises our ego and how we view ourselves. Sometimes it forces us to be on the defence, or makes us act out in anger. All because we feel we no longer “belong”, and so much of our identity and humanity is tied to belonging.
One of the reasons it’s so hard to get over being rejected or disappointed is that it usually creates a response where we become incredibly critical of ourselves. When we get into that negative mindset, it becomes very easy to begin negative self-talk, over-react to others criticisms (real or imagined), and have a negative outlook on things. There is a lot we can do to stave off the horrible feelings when rejection hits. We just need to be aware of how we’re thinking, feeling, acting, and reacting. Here are three great tips that will help you bounce back from rejection with a stronger-than-ever sense of self-worth.
Whether it’s your own negative self-talk, or thoughts you’re having during your day, tell yourself that you will stop dealing with yourself negatively. Every time you find yourself having a negative thought, or self-talk, acknowledge that you had the thought with no judgment.Embrace and deal with your emotions upfront. (For example, saying to yourself, “Why do I keep saying I can’t or I’m not capable of” does no good.) Now, turn the negative thought around into a positive one. This takes some practice, but isn’t difficult at all, because nearly every single situation has a silver lining if you look hard enough.
One of the best ways to boost your self-worth after a rejection is to take part in doing things you love, and that you’re really good at. Whether it is art, sports, or playing with your kids…if you’re good at it, then do it. This will really help you negate the feelings of disappointment and rejection because you’ll be feeling so good about what you’re doing! Also, you can focus your energy knowing its something within your power to control the outcome in these things you enjoy doing.
Go out and be around people who share similar values, or are positive influences in your life. This, too, will help minimize those negative emotions associated with rejection. It also solidifies how likeable you, that people enjoy being around you and want what’s best for you.
Hope these three tips were helpful for you to use, or share with someone who may find this to be valuable information.